When my world was turned upside down, I found myself in the kind of pain that doesn’t just break your heart. It exposes what’s buried deep within it. In the aftermath of my wife leaving, I started searching my soul. That’s when I realized something shocking: I had been carrying hatred in my heart. Hatred toward someone I believed had hurt her, someone I blamed for shaping her attitude toward the church, ministry, and even Christianity itself.
This person had been a significant figure in her life. A boss, a mentor, and a leader. While I couldn’t know for certain if he was the reason behind everything, I did know she had been hurt, both emotionally and verbally, by him. And somewhere along the way, I allowed my anger at her pain to fester into resentment and bitterness. I didn’t just dislike him; I hated him.
But after she left, I knew I couldn’t carry that hatred any longer. I realized that for me to truly heal, I had to forgive. So, I picked up the phone. I called him. It wasn’t an easy call to make. Transparency is hard, especially when it means admitting your own failures. But I told him the truth. I told him that I’d harbored hatred in my heart toward him and that I was asking for his forgiveness.
I didn’t share details about my situation. I didn’t speak negatively about him or tell him why I was calling beyond my own part in the matter. When he pressed for answers, I simply said, “It’s not my story to tell.” I encouraged him to have a conversation with her if he felt it was necessary. My job wasn’t to fix the past; it was to own my role in harboring bitterness and to seek reconciliation.
That phone call was the start of something unexpected. I began to realize there were other people in my life toward whom I was holding bitterness. And so began what I now think of as my “forgiveness tour.” One by one, I reached out to people and asked for their forgiveness. I apologized for the resentment I had allowed to grow in my heart. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t always met with understanding. But it was freeing.
Something incredible happened as I continued to ask for forgiveness: I found myself more able to forgive others. The bitterness that had been weighing me down began to lift, and in its place, I felt a peace that only God could provide. Matthew 6:14-15 came alive for me: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrongs that have been done to us. It’s about releasing the hold those wrongs have on our hearts. It’s about trusting God to be the ultimate judge and healer. And it’s about aligning ourselves with His grace so that we can walk in freedom.
If you’re carrying bitterness or resentment, I encourage you to take it to God. Ask Him to search your heart and reveal anything you need to let go of. It might mean making a difficult phone call or having an uncomfortable conversation. But I promise, the freedom and healing that come from forgiveness are worth it.
Reflection Questions
- Is there someone you’ve been holding bitterness or resentment toward?
- How can you take the first step toward forgiveness today?
Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank You for the forgiveness You freely give through Christ. Help me to forgive others as You have forgiven me. Search my heart and reveal any bitterness or resentment I’m holding onto. Give me the courage to seek reconciliation and the strength to walk in grace. I give You all honor, all the glory, and all the praise. It’s in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen & Amen.